Quote of the Day (2013-05-31)

Lee: Hi, can I get Holly Golightly's room please?

Danny: Who's that?

Lee: It's Gwen's code name, it's from Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Danny: Oh, what's that?

Lee: It's a movie, a great movie, Hepburn.

Danny: Right, Katherine.

Lee: Do me a favor, don't tell anyone you're in the movies.

Source: America's Sweethearts

Quote of the Day (2013-05-30)

Cheryl "Rhode Island": Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn't buy them for me - she said they were Satan's panties!

Source: Miss Congeniality

Quote of the Day (2013-05-29)

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

Quote of the Day (2013-05-27)

Rose Schwartz: The guy was killed in an auto accident! I looked it up! He was driving in the Yukon, in a pink convertible, to visit his brother who's an ex-con named Frances, when a tractor trailer comes along and decapitates him. You know what that mean, it means he doesn't have a head. How am I suppose to write for a guy who doesn't have a head? He's got no lips, no vocal cords. What do you want me to do?

Source: Soapdish

Quote of the Day (2013-05-26)

Gus Portokalos: You know, the root of the word Miller is a Greek word. Miller come from the Greek word "milo," which is mean "apple," so there you go. As many of you know, our name, Portokalos, is come from the Greek word "portokali," which mean "orange." So, okay? Here tonight, we have, ah, apple and orange. We all different, but in the end, we all fruit.

Source: My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Quote of the Day (2013-05-25)

Juno MacGuff: Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.

Source: Juno

Quote of the Day (2013-05-24)

Who is the bigger fool? The fool, or the fool who follows him?

Source: Star Wars: A New Hope

Quote of the Day (2013-05-23)

[Ralph has been laid off]

Ed Norton: I know just how you feel because I went through the same thing two or three years ago when they laid me off from the sewer. I felt just like a fish out of water.

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2013-05-22)

George: "Beautiful women... Ya know, they get away with murder. You never see one of them lift anything over three pounds. They do whatever they want, whenever they want to, and nobody can stop them."

Jerry: "She's like a beautiful Godzilla."

George: "And I'm thousands of fleeing Japanese!

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2013-05-21)

Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!

[they all stab themselves]

Suicide Squad Leader: That showed 'em, huh?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2013-05-20)

Agnes Moorhouse: "Animals have rights too, you know. A battery chicken's life isn't worth living. Would you want to spend your life packed in with six hundred other desperate, squawking, smelly creatures, unable to breathe fresh air, unable to move, unable to stretch, unable to think?"

Sir Humphrey: "Certainly not, that is why I never stood for Parliament."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2013-05-19)

Tyler Durden: [pointing at an emergency instruction manual on a plane] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?

Narrator: So you can breath.

Tyler Durden: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.

Narrator: That's, um... That's an interesting theory.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2013-05-18)

[George describing his breakup attempt]

It's like I was making a prison break, you know. And I'm heading for the wall, and I trip and I twist my ankle, and they throw the light on you, you know. So, somehow I get through the crying and I keep running. Then the cursing started. She's firing at me from the guard tower: 'Son of a bang! Son of a boom!' I get to the top of the wall, the front door. I opened it up, I'm one foot away. I took one last look around the penitentiary, and I jumped!

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2013-05-17)

Victor Melling: [during a makeover session] Eyebrows. There should be two.

Source: Miss Congeniality

Quote of the Day (2013-05-16)

Kramer: "I just took a bath, Jerry. A bath!"

Jerry: "No good?"

Kramer: "It's disgusting. I'm sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth. All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2013-05-15)

Michael Bolton: You haven't even been showing up for work, and you got to keep your job.

Peter Gibbons: Actually I'm being promoted.

Source: Office Space

Quote of the Day (2013-05-14)

Homer: It's easy to be president. Just point the army and shoot.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2013-05-13)

I read the news today oh, boy

Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire

And though the holes were rather small

They had to count them all

Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall



Source: John Lennon

Quote of the Day (2013-05-12)

Ralph: [to Alice] Let's get one thing straight right now, right here and now: a man's home is just like his ship. And I am the captain of this ship, that's what I am, you understand. You're nothing but a lowly, third-class seaman. That's all you are. Your duties are to get the mess, swab the deck and see that the captain feels good. That's all you have to do. Remember, I'm the captain and you're just a third-class seaman.

[He notices that Alice is leaving and he stops her]

Ralph: Where are you going?

Alice: Seaman Kramden, third class, is retiring to the poop deck until this big wind blows over.

[leaves the room]

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2013-05-11)

Dill: After we watch "The Bucket List," remember to cross "watch 'The Bucket List'" off our bucket list.

Source: Easy A

Quote of the Day (2013-05-10)

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!



(pause)



Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.



(pause)



Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

Quote of the Day (2013-05-09)

Clouseau: Does your dog bite?

Hotel Clerk: No.

Clouseau: [bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.

[Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]

Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!

Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.

Source: The Pink Panther Strikes Again

Quote of the Day (2013-05-08)

Charles: How do you do, my name is Charles.

Old man: Don't be ridiculous, Charles died 20 years ago!

Charles: Must be a different Charles, I think.

Old man: Are you telling me I don't know my own brother!

Charles: No, no.

Source: Four Weddings And A Funeral

Quote of the Day (2013-05-07)

Sally: And it's not the same for men. Charlie Chaplin had kids when he was 73.

Harry: Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2013-05-06)

"I usually last about ten minutes on the stairmaster. Unless, of course, there's someone stretching in front of me in a leotard, then I can go an hour. That's why they call it the stairmaster. You get up there and you stare."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2013-05-04)

Carol: Fucking H.M.O. bastard pieces of shit!

Beverly Connelly: Carol!

Carol: Sorry.

Dr. Martin Bettes: It's okay. Actually, I think that's their technical name.

Source: As Good As It Gets

Quote of the Day (2013-05-03)

Jerry: "Every time he tries to make a move, something screws up. Like on their first date, they were on the couch, but she was sitting on his wrong side."

Elaine: "Wrong side?"

Jerry: "Yes, she was on his right side. He can't make a move with his left hand. Can't go left."

Elaine: "He can't go left?"

Jerry: "No. I'm leftie, can't go right. What about women? Do they go left or right?"

Elaine: "No, we just play defense."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2013-05-02)

Basil Fawlty: [about Sybil's laugh] Sounds like somebody machine-gunning a seal.

Source: Fawlty Towers

Quote of the Day (2013-05-01)

Victor Melling: In place of relationships, you have sarcasm and a gun!

Gracie Hart: Oh, *I* have sarcasm? When every word that comes out of your mouth is dripping with disdain?

Victor Melling: Ah! But that is because I am a miserable, grumpy elitist - and that works for me!

Source: Miss Congeniality